How I'd fashion myself if I had the funds...

I was looking around online a while back and came across the store, Zara. I have discovered how much I love almost everything in that store. If it were an online store, I'd probably buy the things I could afford. Alas, I just look at them with longing.

These are just a few of the things in the store that I loved. So clean, simple and perfect. And here's the kicker... they have baby and kids clothes too! *sigh* I want babies... a lot.

And lastly, today I was browsing around and I came across another designer with amazing clothes and accessories. I wish my closet was the entire collection. The designer is Billy Reid. I'm discovering quickly how "preppy" my style tends to lean toward (with a slight touch of menswear). There is a dualism inside me on this matter, though....I am also in love with folky/hippie style, like the clothes Morgan fashioned for the Clyde's Rebirth lookbook.

Ready for a warm breeze...

Sooooo tired of this winter. Seriously. I'm from Arizona and I'm still not used to the Midwest climate. I'm definately ready for some sunshine and to start shedding all these layers. I don't like shivering and I don't think my husband likes how whiny I can be about how cold it is. He does a pretty good job about keeping me toasty. But still, can't spring come now?

Photos by Philip Rawson

Wanderlust

Vagabond. Gypsy. Wanderer. Traveller. Explorer. Drifter. There is something romantic about these. The aimless adventurer, continually decamped, no ties to a particular place or people... But I wonder what exactly draws us to this notion of drifting; what is so very attractive about it. There is definitely a concept of freedom that is tied to the idea of not having to stay in one place, to go where you please, eat and drink where and what you want, to not have to answer to anyone. There is also the sense of adventure in discovering something, whether it be a new place, new people, beautiful sights or simply, and maybe mostly, a sense of self-discovery. I think that may be at the heart of it. In the romanticism of the wanderer, we find at its roots a pursuit of self-discovery and self-truths, and I fear a fair amount of self-worship.

Is this freedom and discovery rooted in truth (or in the mindset of the drifter, does truth really matter)? They set their own rules, own ethics, their own guiding values, perhaps never realizing that it is perhaps selfishness that fuels everything they do. To be guided by what you want or don't want, what you like or don't like, and if something doesn't fit quite right, you excuse it, leave it, pretend it's not there, run away. You think that it's on the account of your own two feet that you have done this or that, gone here or there. You think you're in control. The vagabond is blind. We are always pursued and there is one always in control. He supersedes our will, our self discovery, our freedom to run away. His purpose is greater than any other we can figure out for ourselves. And try as we might to run further from this truth, I believe that deep down there is a restless nagging... Even if we suppress it, I believe that it is there. A deep aching in our gut for the truth that only God can satisfy. We try to fill it with beauty, with discovery, with the philosophies of life that we can muster, but they are all lacking. For what are beauty, creation, and the wonders of the world, aside from a reflection of the one who's careful design and creativity put them into place? Likewise, what are we, aside from His creation, with a choice to praise His artistry, His mercy and love, and the fact that He is, has been and always will be?

We run because we don't want to surrender control. We like being on the thrones of our lives. The problem is, it's a false sense of control. We are left dissatisfied and still hungry, as if we have quenched our appetites with a pinch of salt, and quiet the aching in our bellies with the racket of cymbals and gongs--anything to hush the realization that we cannot make ourselves whole. Yet if we surrender our selfishness, surrender our fear and misguided "freedom"...if we can admit to being needy, to being broken, to a need to be cradled...if we can be honest and humble before the Lord--He will satisfy, heal, make us whole, bring true freedom.

Luke 15:11-32

My apologies...

I am a bad blogger. Somehow it is hard for me to post regularly. I have about five posts that are currently being constructed, but not quite finished and I had every intention of posting a Wellness Wednesday, alas, I did not. I was discouraged at work while talking with a coworker about eating healthy. I actually said some of the things that were going in the post, and they just didn't resonate with her. So I didn't post. I will post next Wednesday in hopes that my thoughts are more cohesive.

Anyway, like I said, I'm a bad blogger. Sometimes I don't have time, and sometimes when I have time, I use it doing something else. I'll be honest, I'm not going to beat myself up over not posting but maybe twice a week--I will say, however, that this is a habit that sneaks it's way into other aspects of my life. I will put off priorities for comfort or laziness or distraction. I don't always keep my focus on my goals. I know this was a post about being bad at posting, but it is also a heart problem.

I want my heart to be aligned to what God wants me to do and where He wants to go. If I let my weaknesses sink deeper in, that will only make it harder to be alert to His calling. I know this is something I'll need God's help on. I'm hoping that when I know I should be loving my husband better, comforting a friend, sharing truth with someone who needs to hear it, or even blogging regularly--letting my heart be transparent--that God can give me the motivation to do these things in a way that brings Him glory.

To bob or not to bob?

That is my question right now. My hair is....well, it's crying out for help. When a style starts growing out, I resort to pinning it back....

...I need to start back a little further. My hair has been long. Always. Growing up, it was always long. I also always had bangs (spare a few years in high school). When I graduated from high school, I decided to chop it off. I loved it short, but over time I let it grow long again. My second year in college, I had a friend chop in to a shaggy mulletesque cut and I loved it.....but over the summer, I let it grow out...and it didn't grow out pretty. I had the same friend cut it again, only, it ended up much more butchered than I could handle. I swore then that I would never get my hair cut anywhere near my chin. It took me two years to grow it out completely, and one extra year of having it longer than I liked. This past summer I chopped it, but because I was afraid to go too short, I got something just longer than a bob. It looked.....boring. Now it is medium in length with bangs and I'm feeling unsettled.

Recap in Pictures

Growing Up

First chop in 2003

Shaggy mullet

Bad helmet-head short cut

Grew it long.

And this is my unfortunate look when anything starts to grow out.

Well, I'm tired of looking like that last picture. I'm also not wanting my hair long like I thought I did. I feel like I've been there done that, and although it doesn't look bad on me, I think something shorter may be more flattering. So here's what I'm thinking, and feed back would be greatly appreciated:

Jessi Rivera

don't remember where this one came from.

Keep in mind I have fine, straight hair (though it can get wavy if I really mess with it). I tried to find pictures accordingly. I also acknowledge the fact that if I get one of these cuts, I'm one step closer to Erin of Calivintage's amazing hair cuts. I don't know that I can pull them off as she does, but our face structure is similar, which makes me wonder. I especially like this and this.

So what do you think? Can I pull off a short bob? Or shorter?

Pretty Inspiration

It's cold and snowy outside. I needed something prettier and greener to look at...

None of these pictures are mine. I don't remember where I collected them. They are too pretty not to share.

So far so good.

It has begun to snow and is not supposed to stop until 5am on Wednesday. Brrrr! Being from Arizona, I'm not entirely used to this. But it has been a nice afternoon. Upon coming home from work, I found a box left for my at our doorstep. I love getting packages. They were some cute shoes from Ruche that I will be wearing at my friend, Debra's, wedding in March! They are adorable and comfy! I had decided to take a picture of them (and the snow) and thought I might as well take a picture of something else I recently acquired.  Well, I've already mentioned my desire for a baby in my previous post, and for the entire holiday season, I had been tempted to purchase something from the toy department at my work (which is conveniently in front of where we take our breaks). One day, I finally broke down and thought, 'today is the day I buy that adorable stuffed toy!', only to find that they were all gone! I was very sad, as anyone at my work can attest. I had been saying I wanted it for my future children for about a month. Well, last night, I was clocking out from work, and walked through the toys and saw a friend working in that department. I decided to ask her whatever happened to them and she told me they moved to the clearance section. I ran calmly walked over to that aisle (which was, and always is, a disaster zone) and searched for it. I found a few others like it...... and then suddenly, underneath the rubble of toys, there he was! The cutest, most adorable, little Donald Duck you've ever seen in your entire life. And 1/2 off!!! I'm so happy he's mine!!!!!! er....um, I mean my future children's!

So that has been me lately. Cheers.

Ruche shoes!

The cutest thing in all of the world (until my babies are here)!

Watching Francis Chan's Basic series with my hubby.

Chalkboard coffee cups we got for Christmas.

Snowing steady.

An hour of torture later....

I'm going to be very frank...

I want a baby.

No. I want to start having children with my husband. I've seen the baby cravings of other women, and have experienced them myself in passing. This is different. Now, I'm just yearning to grow our family. I feel God preparing me for motherhood. I think about it every time I see a child. Caleb and I are basically waiting until he is done with school, which will be next December. Sometimes I don't know that I can wait that long. I know that God will help me with that....and if we are supposed to have them sooner, that will happen. But it seems I must wait a little longer.

It's strange because I never used to want to have kids. That is...until I met Caleb. When we started dating, I thought, 'huh....I can see myself having a family with him.' Since we've been married, this thought has grown and blossomed. I read books about parenting, babysit and observe other mothers, we even have names picked out.

So the past hour I've been blog browsing and have happened upon some blogs of some people I went to college with. Some are new mothers, others are pregnant....and I just ache for that in my own life.

God will give me peace. God will give me patience. And in this waiting time, I'm going to babysit. Lots.

*Sigh. Oh man.

Wellness Wednesday: Nasty Ingredients I Don't Like

A huge interest of mine is health. I find it endlessly fascinating. It may be interesting to note, however, that I am freaked out by most things medical. Doctors, hospitals, sterile rooms, drugs, chemicals and the like. So my health interests range in the spectrum of what can be done natural, what God has given us on this earth, and the responsibility He gives us of doing what is right for our bodies (being a wise-steward of God's blessings). Eating right and exercising, should be no-brainers (that I will most likely expand upon), so I'm hoping to have regular posts on Wednesday's to share some other insights in the world of natural health.

Part of what I hope for these posts, is that it will serve as education to those that do not know some information I find important, essential or interesting. A lot of the natural medicines and herbal remedies that I partake in can be rooted back to when I found out some shocking information about some of the ingredients found in so many common products that we use. Shampoo, deodorant, hand soap, mouthwash, lotion, toothpaste....to name a few.

The list of ingredients can be found here. Unfortunately, I've found more that I'm hoping to avoid, but for today, we'll start with these. To start with a popular one, we'll address Sodium Lauryl Sulfate (SLS) and Sodium Laureth Sulfate (SLES). SLS and SLES can be found in pretty much anything that foams: hand soap, face wash, shampoo, toothpaste almost always have one of these. I first came across this ingredient when trying to help my husband cure his dry scalp/dandruff. My first inclination as a person who never has a dry scalp was, 'well, does that Head & Shoulders stuff work?'. Caleb said he had tried it a long time ago and it seemed to only irritate his skin. I wondered why that was, so I hopped online and found out that the first ingredient after water in H&S was SLS. That made me wonder what this SLS stuff was....only to find out that it is known to irritate the skin, among other things:

"In tests, animals that were exposed to SLS experienced -eye damage, along with depression, labored breathing, diarrhea, severe skin irritation and corrosion and death."

We may be bigger and tougher than lab-rats, but we are not invincible. What severely damages them, slowly but surely damages us. Of course, they don't do these tests on humans, so there is no warning that it may do any of this to us.

"Other research has indicated SLS may be damaging to the immune system, especially within the skin. Skin layers may separate and inflame due to its protein denaturing properties. It is possibly the most dangerous of all ingredients in personal care products. Research has shown that SLS when combined with other chemicals can be transformed into nitrosamines, a potent class of carcinogens, which cause the body to absorb nitrates at higher levels than eating nitrate-contaminated food. According to the American College of Toxicity report, SLS stays in the body for up to five days."

Solutions: By looking online for natural remedies, we cured Caleb's dry scalp. Eventually we have been able to replace all of our products containing SLS and SLES. Here are a few that we use:

- Face Wash. This is the best stuff out there. A little goes a long way so it lasts forever and it leaves my skin feeling amazing.

- Shampoo. I think that this shampoo works really well. I like the smell of it as well. We don't really use conditioner, but their conditioner is also a top product.

- Hand/Body Soap. This stuff is really great for cleaning anything. Of course....Dr. Bronner was a bit of a nut.

- Toothpaste. We have tried PowerSmile and SeaFresh and liked them both. I've experimented with other brands and am really open to trying different methods (key ingredients), so long as it doesn't have SLS.

I'm not going to go through all ten of the ingredients, but I urge you to read the list and consider it. I will mention a second ingredient, however, and that is Propylene Glycol (PG). This is found in about 99% of deodorants. There is already an on-going debate of whether or not antiperspirants, which contain Aluminum Zirconium, could lead to breast cancer or Alzheimer's. My thought is this: God gave us pores to sweat through. That is how our skin works. What is so inconvenient about sweat anyway? Aluminum blocks these pores, which in turn prevents natural flow of sweat, oils, toxins and bacteria. The build-up makes you stink, so you are stuck using more antiperspirant.

Okay, so I've kicked antiperspirants out of my life. Back to PG. PG, the active component in antifreeze, is found in deodorants to serve as a "wetting agent". Basically it makes the stick slick and easy to glide on your pits.

"There is no difference between the PG used in industry and the PG used in personal care products. It is used in industry to break down protein and cellular structure (what the skin is made of) yet is found in most forms of make-up, hair products, lotions, after-shave, deodorants, mouthwashes and toothpaste. It is also used in food processing. Because of its ability to quickly penetrate the skin, the EPA requires workers to wear protective gloves, clothing and goggles when working with this toxic substance. The Material Safety Data Sheets warn against skin contact, as PG has systemic consequences such as brain, liver and kidney abnormalities. Consumers are not protected nor is there a warning label on products such as stick deodorants, where the concentration is greater than that in most industrial applications."

Eek. And eww. I don't want that on me. It was hard finding a deodorant with out, but I finally found one. I started using this one in their Patchuli/Mandarin scent (which I don't know that they are making any more). I just picked up another scent the other day as mine was running low. The deodorant works fairly well, but can fade on a hot day or if you are doing a lot of work that makes you sweat. After the transition away from PG I noticed I began smelling less and less....I think the PG messes with your system in that way as well. Now I hardly smell at all. On days I know I'll be extra active, I simply powder my armpits with some baking soda before applying my deodorant. It works great!

Well that is the first (lengthy) installment of Wellness Wednesday. I hope it was educational. Hope you have a beautiful, healthy day and remember to check ingredient labels! You may be pleasantly surprised or horrified (I have found PG in deli meat!). Cheers!

A girl's gotta have goals...

So it's a new year, and that typically tends to mean a fresh start. I'm going to assume that at some point in the beginning of 2010, I made some kind of list of goals...resolutions, of which I aspired to stick to. I cannot find this list (as sure of making one as I am), so I'm going to guess it held to the usual suspects: exercise, do more writing and art, read my bible more. Beyond these, however, I cannot attest.

Now it is 2011. Seeing as I hope to be blogging for year(s) to come, I figure that if I document these here, I can hopefully see if I achieved what I had hoped to. So here they go:

- Exercise consistently. By this, I hope to have a regular exercise routine. I've grown lax in the past few months and have gotten into the habit of  blaming the weather. No excuse!!! So for the winter months, Caleb and I will work out at the gym (conveniently across the street), and when the weather is nice again, we will go for runs on the Katy trail, swim in our pool (if we are still at this apartment) and continue doing home workouts (medicine ball, yoga, etc.).

- Paint more. And for a specific goal, I hope to use up all the canvass I got for Christmas. So that would make six paintings. I'm a little scared about this one. I get artist's-block often and usually only make two or three a year. But that's the goal!

- Learn to sew. My mom gave me her sewing machine and I have yet to use it. She said it may be broken, but I haven't tested it out. It's been sitting in a corner of the apartment since we moved in. Meanwhile, I've been accumulating lots of fabric for the quilt I intend on making. So I better get on that sewing machine soon.

- Read the Harry Potter series. Enough said. Also, continue to read more (I'm on a reading rampage!!!).

- Read the whole Bible. I've started this reading plan and so far it's going good. It's challenging sometimes, but I love the Bible. And God. So that helps in the motivation department.

- Cook and Bake more. Caleb's grandparents got us a bread maker and bread recipe book for Christmas. I love bread and used to make it from scratch. I want to start doing this more. I also love cooking in general. Especially Indian, Thai, and healthy food in general, so I hope to learn more recipe's.

- Take more pictures. We have a great camera, so I have no excuse. We need our memories preserved!

Okay, I think that's it. Those are the goals for 2011. Let's make 'em happen!

2010 Recap

This is what happened in 2010:

Caleb and I completed our first married winter. Still happy. Still in love, and learning how to love each other more.

In February, we started attending our church in Columbia (while still moving in Moberly). We love Karis and are so happy to be there!

We celebrated our first year of marriage! We went to Osage beach. Went hiking, canoeing....found a waterfall and went in it, and hung out with friends at their lake front home.

Officially became members of our church.

Said 'goodbye' to Moberly and moved to Columbia. Transferred my job and made a leap into new territory (the picture below was right before we moved...picked strawberries with friends!).

A humid summer spent in Columbia, working two jobs, trying not to go too crazy, but still incredibly thankful for all God's blessings.

Changed my blog.

Hung out with neighborhood kids all summer and threw a VBS for them.

Flew back to Arizona for my little sister's wedding.

Enjoyed a long fall (winter has been so timid....).

Was promoted to full-time at my job, allowing me to let go of my second job.

I turned twenty-six. I officially feel old. Well, rather, I feel the age is old. I don't know that I match that age. I feel younger. Maybe twenty-four.

Had a lovely white Christmas with my husband's family in St. Louis.

The last day of 2010 I will be working til 6:30pm and then (hopefully) getting myself somewhat fancy to go to a party with friends. If I remember to bring my camera....there will be pictures.

Cheers.

Penguin

Just a post to rave about the adorable hardbacks that Penguin Books is producing for some of the classics. I got Pride & Prejudice, Sense & Sensibility and Emma for my birthday. Some of my favorite books...now sturdy and adorable, complete with a place-saving ribbon!

Cosmic Birthday and Beyond

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Even though I'm done with school, Caleb still had his finals and papers to complete and needed the computer and my assistance. I'm so glad he's done! (for now).

Well, I had a mini birthday shindig and it was really fun. We went out for pizza and cosmic bowling. I hadn't been bowling in ages, and I'll say up front, I'm not very good at it. But my goodness, it was fun. One in our party did a backward granny bowl and got a strike out of it. While we were bowling it snowed several inches, so when we were done we went out to a cold, winter wonderland.

We don't remember what he was yelling at.

Photos by Philip Rawson

Sooo, Christmas is around the corner. We still have one gift to get. My grandma wants a picture of us, so I want to get a nice frame for that. This year we are going to St. Louis to visit Caleb's grandparents, Mom and stepdad. It should be nice. I have the sweetest in-laws. Well, I hope to update again soon. Til then, Cheers!

a few days late but...

I'm now twenty-six. I've lived another year! Hooray!