Moving On

We are a week away from our move into our new apartment. I'm incredibly excited. Everything about this move is positive. We'll be saving money, getting a little more space, more perks, closer to work, near some friends. I feel that with this move, it is a new start and an opportunity to pick up some of the things that I left behind this past year. When we first moved to Columbia, I was rushed into two jobs at first, then a full time job, getting acquainted with the people at our church, finding my way around and resting when I could. My crafting slowed, my cooking became routine dishes, I stopped my baking (I miss my apricot pastry!), and I somehow lost time to make my homemade soaps. I miss these things. But I feel this move is a new wind, a new space to work and inspire. Granted, the view at our new place is not quite as green, but you make the most of what you're given. Which is what I haven't been able to do this past year. I have so many craft ideas and I'm getting excited about participating in the handmade market, and finishing my painting. I just finished a small one...which I'm sad to say was the only painting I did in this space. And hopefully my blogging will increase with the move. I even have some story ideas for my writing.

Now, I'm moving on in other ways. At the beginning of the year I made some resolutions that I'm happy to say are for the most part being kept up. The first was exercise consistently. I've joined up with a group of girls, and for the past month and a half we have been training for a running competition called the Warrior Dash. I don't know that words can contain how excited I am about this. It is a 5K with obstacles- over ropes, through mud, jumping over fire. We have been training by running (I think the longest I went was four miles), P90X, and "obstacle runs" where we go to a park with some obstacle equipment and include them in our run. It's been encouraging to go through this with the girls. We push each other just enough, cheer each other on and have tons of fun. I love those ladies! Other resolutions: I have learned to sew! This will hopefully play a part in my craftiness that is to come. I have so many ideas and have a fair amount of materials to create from. So hopefully you will see more of that from me.

The last resolution that has been fulfilled, and also something to move on from....Harry Potter. I had set out the goal to read all of the books, which I hadn't done, though I had seen all of the movies. So from February to May, I read all of them. They were fantastic. I love the movies, but the books were far superior. And now that the last movie has been seen, it is done....well, sort of. I thought the last movie was fantastic. This being the only movie I've seen after reading the book, I will say I was more aware of the things they changed or left out, or scenes they interpreted differently than how I pictured them. The only thing I would say I didn't like, was the pace of the film. It was nonstop action, and because of that, there was less time for important, thematic detail. They could have slowed it down a notch. And personally, I would have loved to see more Snape.

Anyway, that's it for me. Hopefully you will see more of me in the weeks and months to come. Cheers!

well, this is just embarrassing...

So....I haven't written in a good long while.

Oops.

Life is going well, however. We are on the edge of our move into a new apartment. I've been working a lot and pursuing artsy endeavors in my spare time. Caleb just came back from a mission trip to Joplin to help with some clean up. It's good to have him home.

Today I went to the With Heart handmade market. Local crafters joined up on the streets to sell their goods, encourage each other and promote their shops. There are so many talented people here in Columbia. It's truly inspiring. Unfortunately, being poor, I was only able to purchase a CD called "Cicada Summer", which is a collection of songs from artists inspired by columbia's thirteen year visitors. There's even a tribute to Sparky's Ice Cream, our local homemade ice cream shop that was also inspired by the cicadas.

There were a lot of great vendors at the market and it would be shameful not to share them with you!

First is Brittany's Buttons. Brittany makes the most adorable crocheted hats for babies, children and adults. And they are amazing. The best quality I've seen.

Along for the Ride come from a great crafty lady. I loved all of her jewelry and hair pins.

One of my favorites was Mamaroots. She makes wooden toys. She started this because she didn't want her sons to have to play with a lot of plastic toys. So she acquired the tools, picked up some wood and watercolors and started crafting. I definitely have a soft spot for wood works, so I really enjoyed seeing her work.

After stopping by the market, I went to a few garage sales. No special finds. Then home: made curry (yum!), and starting to clean the house before a friend comes over. We are going to have wine and talk theology. Looks like a great day!

Happy Birthday Mama!

Today is my lovely mother's birthday. She is far away in Phoenix, so I don't get to spend it with her, which is sad. My mom and I are very close. We can talk about anything and everything together and we always have tons of fun when we spend time together. Happy Birthday, Mommy! I love you!

Into My Own

ONE of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as ’twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.
I should not be withheld but that some day	5
Into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
Or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.
I do not see why I should e’er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track	10
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.
They would not find me changed from him they knew—
Only more sure of all I thought was true.

One of my favorite poets is Robert Frost. There is a simple, soft elegance in the way he turns a phrase. I love the way he brings things back to nature while incorporating the message he's trying to get across. This has been, for a long time now, my favorite poem. It's the poem for my life. When I read it I think back on my twenty-six years and see where I've been and where God's taken me. I remember being the insecure girl in school. I remember finding my voice through writing and art, and translating my thoughts into something coherent. I recall the many stages of my life...the changing of scenery, friends, family, beliefs. My faith has grown solid and resonates with the third and fourth stanza. Friends, even family have seen this change in the past eight years, and wonder at it. Some feel as though they don't relate, or they want the old Kelly back. There is no turning back. This is the path that is before me and I'm "only more sure of all I thought was true". I don't know where God is going to take me in my life, but I know where he has taken others in the past that followed Him faithfully. There are no guarantees of comfort, safety, security or riches in this life. But those are not my concerns. Of course it is my hope that others "set forth upon my track", that they know the truth and love Him. This is my life's work, to love my Savior and follow him "unto the edge of doom."

Edmund Dulac, "Alone"

Back and Forth

Well, I'm slowly but surely getting used to my short short hair. I don't know that I would go so far as to say I like it....or that I'll be putting any pictures up anytime soon. But it's growing on me (no pun intended).

Anyway, after an eight day stretch of work, I finally have a day off. It's been filled with leisure and productivity. I've recently learned to sew on my mom's old sewing machine she gave me. It's been such a blast! I never realized how fun it could be. So far I have altered a skirt that has always been way too big on me and I've turned two ugly vintage dresses into vintage treasures. One looked like an old lady muumuu night-dress. I brought it up above the knees and turned the slouchy, wing-sleeves into cropped short sleeves. It's pretty adorable now. The other is a vintage Banana Republic, cream maxi dress. I took off the sleeves, brought in the top part (to accommodate my modest bust) and brought it up a bit to be a midi instead. Now I just need the sun to shine a bit warmer and I can wear it.

After that I did some cleaning while listening to this among other songs. I took a little stroll down memory lane as well. I had an old YouTube account that held a bunch of old college video's. Most of them are just my friends and me being ridiculous. There's a part of me that misses it, and another part that is happy to just be looking back on it. But while I'm reminiscing, I might as well take you along with me. Most of these are with one of my best friends, Rachel.

We always managed to come up with the most...interesting...photoshoots.

 It was a time in my life for great road trips. And kidnapping friends on their birthday.

And then there was Battle of the Bands. We made this band for this occasion. We even included one of our professors. Our name was Rach, Rach, and the Funky Bunch.

That's all I have for now. Looking back just a little. I'll have a post soon that is more current, I'm sure. But for now, I hope this was at least a little entertaining and a bit of a closer look at your host.

Cheers.

changes....

I know I haven't posted in quite some time. I'm getting now out of a need to vent. I just got my hair cut....the shortest I've ever had it. Shorter than I got it cut a month ago. I'm freaking out a little. I don't know if I like it and I don't know how to handle it. AHH! I was going for this:

and I got something closer to this:

still cute, but I don't know if it is on me. I know, I know, they aren't that different. Well....they are kinda. About half an inch and a bit more layering different. Anyway, I need a moment to digest this.

Life has been crazy. The past ten weeks I've been filling in for a manager. It was supposed to be six weeks but he had to be gone longer. I wasn't supposed to get paid his salary, considering I'd be filling in for a short time, but since it was extended, they are going to go back and pay the difference for all the weeks I've been filling in. Yay! In a crazy turn of events, one of the other managers unfortunately broke his leg...in three places...ouch!... So I will be filling in for him for a few months.

Also, we are in the process of moving. By that I mean, we have picked out an apartment and will move in July. But being me, I want to plan ahead and get the details hashed out.

Also, I am not pregnant. Yet...

I promise a proper update soon. I'm just waiting for life to get a little more quiet.

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Sick Day and Some Thoughts

For the past three days I've had a cold that has ranged from bad to blah to very bad. Right now I'm almost on the mend, though I did need the extra day off work.

Last night was downright terrifying. Let me start back a bit. Tuesday I still felt gross and it was raining, so I decided to push all my errands off to Wednesday thinking I'd be feeling a bit better. Wednesday I happened to feel worse, but figured since it was my last day off, I'd make the most of it. The previous day's rain made the air frigid (somewhere in the 30's), so running around town was painful. I managed to get most of my list done (an oil change and haircut. Yes....my hair is now cut!). When I came home I felt miserable. My fever started to spike up and I had a terrible migraine. I ended up passing out around 7pm from the pain, waking up occasionally, crying because it hurt so much. My husband ended up joining me in bed around 9 or so. I think that was when my migraine was at it's worst. I had taken Tylenol for it, but it had no effect. I just grabbed my head and applied pressure and cried hoping that some pain would leave. Instead I started seeing flashing lights. At first I thought I imagined it, but it happened a couple of times and at one point my vision in my left eye was blurred. I had never had migraines with auras before and it scared me for one particular reason. If any of you take birth control pills, then your doctor has probably mentioned the risks of blood clots and strokes. Although it is not a high risk, it is still a risk. There are some things that increase these risks: if you smoke and if you have migraines with auras. I get migraines 2-3 times a year, and this is the first one with an aura (that I can remember; there was only one other migraine that was worse than this one).

I called in sick today and my migraine stuck with up until about an hour ago. With last night still fresh in my mind (and my husband's) we have decided to talk to my doctor about other forms of birth control. Even if this was a once in my lifetime occurance, it's not worth the risk. I feel some nervousness about the changes we may have to make, but I also feel a peace about it. I wish my migraines didn't raise my risk factor, since the pill is affordable and convenient, but I know there are safer alternatives to family planning.

On an upside, I have been sitting in my husbands sweater, watching The Wonder Years, eating PB & J and drinking coffee. Since my headache is pretty much gone, I can't say that this day off is too bad. I'm also enjoying running my fingers through my new short hair. I went to the beauty school in town ($6 haircut. woot!), and the girl did a really great job. She had only been cutting hair since November. It didn't turn out exactly how I wanted it however...the teacher came over and snipped out all the fun imperfections. Oh well. I still like it better than the boring mop I had before.

Cheers!

Never Let Me Go

What an absolutely beautiful film. I just finished Never Let Me Go, and I would recommend seeing it if you haven't. Well written, acted, and filmed. I liked the dialog at the end of the movie. It kinda makes you think  about this life. And good to know where I have found my hope (1 Peter 1:3-9).

Artsy Fartsy

I was doing some time travel, via old blogs, xanga, facebook, and old back up discs. Talk about super nostalgic... Well, during this time I came across a ton of old pictures of me at various stages in life and also some art work that I've done in the past. It's fun looking back at the pieces I no longer have, and I thought, heck, I might as well share them with you fine folks. Most of these works were before I dared at painting. I'm a natural drawer, but I'm getting better with paint.

As you can see, at some point I decided I wanted to incorporate paint. I was still primarily drawing and just filling in my drawings with paint.

I'm a huge fans of portraits, obviously. I started experimenting with shading with paint.

This was a start of my more whimsical side. It's supposed to be how Caleb makes me feel. I made it when we were dating.

Then I started painting more for reals....and that's where I am today, still trying to do more of that.

"Ash Wednesday"

"Daniel 7"

Untitled

I'm currently working on a painting, but it's slow goings. Sorry this is such a picture heavy post, but hopefully you enjoyed it.

Happy Valentines!

Caleb and I generally don't celebrate Valentines Day. It's not really a holiday we see as very important. It's our goal to love each other daily with our words and actions, and although the sentiment is endearing, it isn't very necessary to have a day out of the year to recognize our love for each other. My friends at work have been trying to figure out what they'll get for their boyfriends or try to guess what they are getting for them. It's cute. One girl had flowers delivered to her while at work yesterday. "The day isn't even here yet!" she exclaimed. I think that Valentines can have it's place, although I'm not a fan of what it can turn into.....disappointment over unmet expectations or an analyzation of one's worth if your find yourself without a valentine. You have worth and it's not defined by whether someone loves you (although, granted, it is a nice feeling). Your worth is found in the love God has for you, and the sacrifice He made with Jesus, so that he can be close to you, reunited with you. That won't change whether you have a valentine or not.

All of this having been said, I will wish you a Happy Feb. 14th. Caleb said he has a surprise for me. I know it's because he wants to show his love for me.....he always has little surprises for me. And today, just as yesterday and as I hope for tomorrow and so on, I hope to show my love for him.

How I'd fashion myself if I had the funds...

I was looking around online a while back and came across the store, Zara. I have discovered how much I love almost everything in that store. If it were an online store, I'd probably buy the things I could afford. Alas, I just look at them with longing.

These are just a few of the things in the store that I loved. So clean, simple and perfect. And here's the kicker... they have baby and kids clothes too! *sigh* I want babies... a lot.

And lastly, today I was browsing around and I came across another designer with amazing clothes and accessories. I wish my closet was the entire collection. The designer is Billy Reid. I'm discovering quickly how "preppy" my style tends to lean toward (with a slight touch of menswear). There is a dualism inside me on this matter, though....I am also in love with folky/hippie style, like the clothes Morgan fashioned for the Clyde's Rebirth lookbook.

Ready for a warm breeze...

Sooooo tired of this winter. Seriously. I'm from Arizona and I'm still not used to the Midwest climate. I'm definately ready for some sunshine and to start shedding all these layers. I don't like shivering and I don't think my husband likes how whiny I can be about how cold it is. He does a pretty good job about keeping me toasty. But still, can't spring come now?

Photos by Philip Rawson

Wanderlust

Vagabond. Gypsy. Wanderer. Traveller. Explorer. Drifter. There is something romantic about these. The aimless adventurer, continually decamped, no ties to a particular place or people... But I wonder what exactly draws us to this notion of drifting; what is so very attractive about it. There is definitely a concept of freedom that is tied to the idea of not having to stay in one place, to go where you please, eat and drink where and what you want, to not have to answer to anyone. There is also the sense of adventure in discovering something, whether it be a new place, new people, beautiful sights or simply, and maybe mostly, a sense of self-discovery. I think that may be at the heart of it. In the romanticism of the wanderer, we find at its roots a pursuit of self-discovery and self-truths, and I fear a fair amount of self-worship.

Is this freedom and discovery rooted in truth (or in the mindset of the drifter, does truth really matter)? They set their own rules, own ethics, their own guiding values, perhaps never realizing that it is perhaps selfishness that fuels everything they do. To be guided by what you want or don't want, what you like or don't like, and if something doesn't fit quite right, you excuse it, leave it, pretend it's not there, run away. You think that it's on the account of your own two feet that you have done this or that, gone here or there. You think you're in control. The vagabond is blind. We are always pursued and there is one always in control. He supersedes our will, our self discovery, our freedom to run away. His purpose is greater than any other we can figure out for ourselves. And try as we might to run further from this truth, I believe that deep down there is a restless nagging... Even if we suppress it, I believe that it is there. A deep aching in our gut for the truth that only God can satisfy. We try to fill it with beauty, with discovery, with the philosophies of life that we can muster, but they are all lacking. For what are beauty, creation, and the wonders of the world, aside from a reflection of the one who's careful design and creativity put them into place? Likewise, what are we, aside from His creation, with a choice to praise His artistry, His mercy and love, and the fact that He is, has been and always will be?

We run because we don't want to surrender control. We like being on the thrones of our lives. The problem is, it's a false sense of control. We are left dissatisfied and still hungry, as if we have quenched our appetites with a pinch of salt, and quiet the aching in our bellies with the racket of cymbals and gongs--anything to hush the realization that we cannot make ourselves whole. Yet if we surrender our selfishness, surrender our fear and misguided "freedom"...if we can admit to being needy, to being broken, to a need to be cradled...if we can be honest and humble before the Lord--He will satisfy, heal, make us whole, bring true freedom.

Luke 15:11-32

My apologies...

I am a bad blogger. Somehow it is hard for me to post regularly. I have about five posts that are currently being constructed, but not quite finished and I had every intention of posting a Wellness Wednesday, alas, I did not. I was discouraged at work while talking with a coworker about eating healthy. I actually said some of the things that were going in the post, and they just didn't resonate with her. So I didn't post. I will post next Wednesday in hopes that my thoughts are more cohesive.

Anyway, like I said, I'm a bad blogger. Sometimes I don't have time, and sometimes when I have time, I use it doing something else. I'll be honest, I'm not going to beat myself up over not posting but maybe twice a week--I will say, however, that this is a habit that sneaks it's way into other aspects of my life. I will put off priorities for comfort or laziness or distraction. I don't always keep my focus on my goals. I know this was a post about being bad at posting, but it is also a heart problem.

I want my heart to be aligned to what God wants me to do and where He wants to go. If I let my weaknesses sink deeper in, that will only make it harder to be alert to His calling. I know this is something I'll need God's help on. I'm hoping that when I know I should be loving my husband better, comforting a friend, sharing truth with someone who needs to hear it, or even blogging regularly--letting my heart be transparent--that God can give me the motivation to do these things in a way that brings Him glory.

To bob or not to bob?

That is my question right now. My hair is....well, it's crying out for help. When a style starts growing out, I resort to pinning it back....

...I need to start back a little further. My hair has been long. Always. Growing up, it was always long. I also always had bangs (spare a few years in high school). When I graduated from high school, I decided to chop it off. I loved it short, but over time I let it grow long again. My second year in college, I had a friend chop in to a shaggy mulletesque cut and I loved it.....but over the summer, I let it grow out...and it didn't grow out pretty. I had the same friend cut it again, only, it ended up much more butchered than I could handle. I swore then that I would never get my hair cut anywhere near my chin. It took me two years to grow it out completely, and one extra year of having it longer than I liked. This past summer I chopped it, but because I was afraid to go too short, I got something just longer than a bob. It looked.....boring. Now it is medium in length with bangs and I'm feeling unsettled.

Recap in Pictures

Growing Up

First chop in 2003

Shaggy mullet

Bad helmet-head short cut

Grew it long.

And this is my unfortunate look when anything starts to grow out.

Well, I'm tired of looking like that last picture. I'm also not wanting my hair long like I thought I did. I feel like I've been there done that, and although it doesn't look bad on me, I think something shorter may be more flattering. So here's what I'm thinking, and feed back would be greatly appreciated:

Jessi Rivera

don't remember where this one came from.

Keep in mind I have fine, straight hair (though it can get wavy if I really mess with it). I tried to find pictures accordingly. I also acknowledge the fact that if I get one of these cuts, I'm one step closer to Erin of Calivintage's amazing hair cuts. I don't know that I can pull them off as she does, but our face structure is similar, which makes me wonder. I especially like this and this.

So what do you think? Can I pull off a short bob? Or shorter?